Everything Has Changed (?)

You know those times in life where you can feel everything in your world is about to change? You know the why and can see it coming—even can put a date on it at times—but you can in know way predict the extent of the change, speed it up, or slow it down. Instead, you feel you are resigned to sit back and wait for the avalanche to hit.

Or is that only me?

There have been numerous times where I can feel this of  type change approaching—almost as if it is in the very air I breathe, demanding my attention.

Three years ago last week I graduated from High School! (woot woot) I remember leaving the school for the last time with all of my friends, knowing the hours and hours over the years I had spent there were at their close. The nights of fall football games that brought the school together (even if we were never very good…), the classic dance planning and dress searching, the lunch hour after lunch hour spent working on ceramic sculptures, the times between class and after school on the “senior bench” with friends just hoping you get to talk to a certain special someone, the seemingly constant preparing for AP tests (“now THIS is a great AP question!”), joining club after club to look good on college resumes (now I KNOW I am not the only one who did that), Monday lunchtime seminary council meetings, and of course the never ending project of creating the greatest yearbook Viewmont has ever seen (shout-out to myself for designing the cover); my time in High School was well spent and well loved. Not to mention the time I spent outside of school with “the gang” aka the greatest group of friends I could have asked for. But even with all those memories and special moments, I could sense it ending. I could feel it was over--now only be revisited in my mind or in pictures. I just could not foresee what exactly would replace it.

“College” was just a word to me. It meant more school and living away from home and trying to be an adult. But even all of that was hard to fully grasp. It is only now that I have spent as much time in University as I did in High School that I can see the changes college made in me and my life.

Almost two years ago I packed up my life and moved across the pond to England. I remember sitting on the plane after saying goodbye to my parents early in the morning and just thinking “WAIT. What am I doing???” I knew that studying abroad would change me. It would change my life and how I saw the world and who I was in it. I just could not see how it would and what experiences would lead me through that change.

Here I am, five days away from arguably the biggest change of my life.

I am marrying my best friend for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. I know this event is going to change everything in my life—including myself—but I cannot know how. I can put a date and even a time on it, but the how.. The how evades me once again. These moments of approaching change are always special to me. It gives me time to self-reflect and evaluate where I am and who I am in that moment, so as to better compare & contrast in the changes to come. 

So let me tell you who I am right now, because in five days I will be a different person with a different name living a very different life, never to return to this one. 

My name is Aimee. 

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I love my Savior very much.

I am a nursing student with a passion for people and creativity. 

I love watercolors, florals, and anything gold. 

I think Anthropologie's dishes are perfect. 

I always wish I was swimming. 

If possible, I would probably choose to live off of salads, fresh peaches, gyros, and indian food. Oh, and smoothies. 

My favorite snack is an apple with peanut butter and graham crackers. 

I like to run; bake cinnamon rolls and applesauce cookies; and visit street markets, arts museums, ancient ruins, libraries, and parks.

My family is my best friends. 

My idea of a perfect afternoon is a bike ride and picnic in the park. 

England holds a part of my heart and is one of my homes. 

My grandparents are my heroes, and when I grow up I hope to be just like my mom.
I will love you forever if you scratch my back. 

I have had 27 roommates, and I am pretty sure they have all been better than yours. 

I would cut off both my pinky toes to see Adele in concert. 

I enjoy school, and if I have free time you will find me reading (probably Harry Potter). 

I love a boy named Austin.   

There you go! That's who I am right now. I will write again in a month and tell you who I am then. I hope to find myself with a greater understanding of my role in God's plan, more patience with myself and those around me--especially those closest to me, and even more love for my boy named Austin. 

Love Always, Aimee 

 

then & now. 

Expect the Unexpected

I like to plan.

Anyone who knows me well is well aware that I like be in charge of myself and in charge of my schedule. I have had my life mapped out to this point since... well, since I could read a calendar, I suppose. I always knew I would graduate high school in 2013 and begin my university studies at BYU. I would then spend Fall of 2014 on the study abroad program in London. When I came home I would then allow myself to start dating people, be an efy counselor summer of 2015, and get married summer of 2016 right after I turned 21--just as my mother and sister had done. When you are young it does not seem so silly to plan things such as when you are getting married, or the exact time and place you will do a study abroad. I did not consider factors such as "What if I don't get into BYU?" or "What if I can't actually go on study abroad? It's competitive and expensive" or, the real shocker, "What if I have not yet found a person I want to marry/a person who wants to marry me by the incredibly young age of 21??" No. Haha, those thoughts did not come to me until applying to colleges, interviewing for study abroad, or getting to school and realizing how many relationships fail. Call me naive, but I prefer to call myself a dreamer. Even more and a dreamer, a doer.

You see, all my life my parents have taught me that if I want something bad enough, plan for it, and work hard, I can have it. Here I am, days from turning 21, in complete awe of the path my life has taken.

Yes, I have been at BYU these last few years and am whole-heartedly in love with my university and the unique opportunities it provides. There is no where else I would rather spend my days studying and growing.

Yes, I did spend four months living in London last fall, but I have dedicated enough posts to that incredible experience.

Yes, I was an efy counselor for the summer. It was awesome. And hard. But mostly awesome.

Yes, I am getting married in two months. June of 2016, just as I always planned. What?!

And what have I learned through it all??

Expect the unexpected.

While these major events in my life have (miraculously) all gone according to plan, I have found that it is the minor details that have made all the difference. For instance, what am I actually going to study at school and do for the rest of my life? Or why spend copious amounts of money for four short months abroad? What's the point? Oh. Also, turns out it is really competitive to be an efy counselor and they prefer RM's.. Which I am not. What if I don't get the job? Or the real big one: who am I going to marry and spend the rest of my life with?!

I have found over and over again that Heavenly Father is willing to work with me. A few weeks ago at General Conference, something was shared that has stuck with me since.

"You can have what you want, or you can have something better"

That has been my overwhelming experience these last three years in college. I NEVER planned on being a nurse. Not in a thousand years. Never planned on the lessons I learned in England or the ways I changed. Never expected the heartbreaks and miracles of efy. Above all, I definitely never planned on marrying Austin. Those things were not part of my plan. Lucky for me, Heavenly Father is patient. He loves me, stubbornness and all. He has lead me by the hand and said, "Look Aimee. You can have what you want, or if you will just trust me and let go of some of your need for control, you have have something infinitely better."

Gaye Ray fan club

Love me my Ellen

Santa Barbara for life

(I said yes)

Today as I sat with friends from elementary, jr. high, and high school and listened to my closest childhood friend speak of her experiences these last 18 months in Africa as a missionary, I could not help but marvel at how much we had all grown up and changed. From returning from missions, studying in college, marriages, and even babies, big things have happened for each of us. Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for each of us. Now, that does not mean we have to give up all our dreams and goals. Not even a little bit. I have done everything I hoped to in my life! But Heavenly Father knows I am capable of so much more than I think. He has stretched me and pushed me farther than I could go alone. He has led me down paths I was much too terrified to follow. He has strengthened my faith and enlarged my mind and world. Everything He does, He does to benefit me. Simply because I am His daughter and He loves me with a perfect love. It is not because  I am somehow earned it; I am far from deserving the beautiful life I live. It is there purely because He loves me.

Nursing cohort - love these fools.

Looking for Mr. Darcy...

Oh wait. Austin is better than Mr. Darcy.

I know God lives. I have seen his hand in the small details of my life, day after day. All He asks is that I have the faith to follow Him. That I will allow Him to bless me, to lead me, to guide me to the wonderful life He so desperately wants me to have--and above all, the life that will bring me home to Him. I am so grateful. Grateful that He trusts me enough to become a nurse and care for His children in need of healing on this earth. Grateful He let me go to my family's 'homeland' and meet some of the most influential and lifelong friends there. Grateful He allowed me to spend my summer learning from the incredible youth and working with amazing people. Grateful He led me to my best friend; someone who loves me even knowing I am imperfect. More than anything, I am grateful that I can be with my best friend and family quite literally forever. 

God is real. God is good. It is a beautiful life, and I am so lucky to live it--even (and perhaps especially) when it does not go according to my plan. 

Love Always, Aimee 

I am in love with life.

the Aftermath.

where has your backpack been?

(obviously) Everyone keeps asking me, "How was London?!" and I keep on saying "good!" or "great!" or "amazing", etc etc, you get the picture. But one word could never convey everything I saw and experienced in my four months there or the ways I grew and changed as a person. In fact, I am not certain any amount of words could accomplish that. I have managed to put my finger on a few small lessons London taught me that will stick for the rest of my life, and that is what I would like to share.

Most importantly, I learned that it is people who make things meaningful and important. 

I saw a lot of incredible places, that cannot be ignored nor should it be, but they would not have meant half as much if I had not been with amazing people. Just like Centerville would not be home without the people who live in it. Elder Bednar said, "The most important things in life almost always involve the people around you" and I am not sure if truer words have ever been spoken. 

That being said, I also learned a lot about service. 

I lived in very close proximity with 45 people. My room alone had 15 girls in it. FIFTEEN GIRlS ranging from 19 to 21 in age. That is triple the amount in my entire apartment last year.  It would have been really easy to become annoyed at any number of them or have silly problems, etc. It was almost expected. But we didn't have any. Honestly, next to no drama. Why? Because we all just acted selflessly to the other girls around us. We all were so willing to give anything to help each other out or listen to each other. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement to lift and love those around you that was so special to me. One of my favorite sayings is to "Never suppress a generous thought". I think London was the first place I consistently lived that way and I absolutely loved it. We know that every good thing comes from God; therefore I believe any generous (good) thought we have is a prompting from the Spirit (from God). So not only did I learn about service, but I learned to listen more to the Spirit and recognize it, which I am so grateful for. I hope it is a habit I can take with me for the rest of my life.

no one has ever become poor by giving; and because I have been given much I too must give.
And I would give anything to these girls.

I learned about how the Church works outside of Utah/the US. 

The members in my ward were so pure in heart, accepting, loving, and so wonderful. Not that members aren't wonderful in Utah -- the Church is the same no matter where you go -- but there was definitely something different. I was the racial minority; everyone else was from Jamaica or Ghana or Portugal or Spain or Brazil or Wales or who knows where else around the world. Many were converts or were inactive for parts of their life and they knew how important it was for every member to feel welcome and loved. They knew that everyone had a history and fell short of the glory of God and they didn't care. They loved you anyways. Tattoos? Great. Drinking problem? We'll help you. Divorced and have children? What can we do for you? Need a lift to the activity this week? Want to go to the temple this weekend? Really. They have nothing to give but they will give you anything. 

home is where the heart is and England has mine completely.

I learned more about who I am and who I want to be as a person. I learned how to be happy in any situation and love any place. I learned to see the world as new and beautiful and to appreciate all that was in front of me. I realize I am in love with London and just completely enchanted by every aspect of it. But to be honest, a good part of that stemmed from me expecting to be. I looked for the beauty and found perfection through the imperfection and 'ordinary' parts of it. I am trying to take that home with me as well so I can see everywhere I am as beautiful and exciting. Because it all is. This life is just one big beautiful adventure and I am so blessed to live it.

I was incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to study abroad in London. As cliche as it sounds, it truly changed me and my life for the better in ways I will never be able to explain or describe further than this. Although it feels like a feeble attempt, I still had to try. I owe that much to my dear city of London and the impact it had on me. 
London, thank you from the bottom of my heart; I will love you forever & always. 

when you hear Big Ben again, that's when you'll know (you're home).

Love Always, Aimee 

#cheerstoyoulondon

Finale

Monday and Tuesday were spent taking finals. I would just like to say I do not think there is any feeling quite at great as walking out of your last final. Can I get an amen? The relief and pure joy felt is unreal.

We took four finals in London; Shakespeare, Humanities, British History, and Church History in the British Isles. It went down much as finals do on campus. Hours and hours of studying, reading over notes, looking over the class slideshows, and asking every person who walks by what they are studying because there's just so information you have no idea where to start for a thirty question test. Half the Centre was up well into two am together holding reviews and talking over Shakespeare's plot lines and characters as well as the last three thousand years of Britain's history. They went well! I think? I guess I will find out when grades are released. Either way WE WERE FREE!

Wednesday we had the whole day to ourselves and our dear city of London. Me, Ellen, Addie, Zoe, and Lexie decided we wanted to see as much as possible so starting lunchtime we walked essentially the entire city. Beginning at Marble Arch we walked all the way down Oxford St. admiring the lights and window shopping as we went, then through the back streets around Tottenham Court and Charing Cross. When we reached Trafalgar Square we went inside the National Gallery one last time. Inside we just sat in front of Monet's Water Lilies and let the impressionist art in the room speak to our souls. I love art. I walked through a couple other rooms to say goodbye to Constable, Renior, Van Gogh, and Lorrain's beauties. Walking out of the front doors of the National Gallery is one of my favorite scenes in London. It gives you a view of the whole square and all the way down the street is where I caught my first glimpse of the beautiful Big Ben.

In Trafalgar Square we had the genius idea of climbing on top of one of the Lions for a picture.
Needless to say this quickly turned disastrous when I ripped my pants climbing up. *insert annoyed and embarrassed face here*. They were my favorite pair too... Lucky for me I was wearing a long coat that covered said damage because we had ZERO time to go back to the Centre and change or even buy a new pair. At this point we were supposed to be meeting at the London Eye in the next fifteen minutes. Whoops. Haha. (No fear everyone; I found the same pair of pants in my size on clearance yesterday so I once again have my favorite pants.)

*picture wasn't worth the pants, just fyi*

We walked from Trafalgar down to the Houses of Parliament, Ben, and Westminster Abbey. We snapped a last picture and walked across Westminster Bridge to the Eye.

last visit to Ben <3

There we met up with the other 10 ladies of Room 2 for our farewell ride over London. We timed it PERFECTLY. With a pod all to ourselves we watched the entire sunset over our city. It was absolutely perfect. I wouldn't want to watch my last sunset in that city any other way. We were able to see essentially everything and get one last view of the place we had the privilege of calling home these last four months. Obviously it was a little bittersweet, but we kept it light hearted by having a dance party to Imagine Dragon's "On Top of the World" at the top. Ha, it was only near the end of the song that we realized the pod next to us had been watching and recording us... Glad we could improve their experience on the Eye I guess.

isn't he perfect? 

Following that we just went together up the South bank a mile or so. We strolled through Christmas markets and walked under light-strung trees taking in the magic of London until we reached our favorite Millennial Bridge. That took us across the Thames to St. Paul's where we hoped onto the Tube for a stop or two to Covent Gardens and then walked to Leicester Square where we had dinner at THE BEST indian restaurant. It was a Michelin Star restaurant and had a line outside the door so we knew it had to be good. We only ended up waiting about fifteen minutes for a table due to a cancellation. That is what we calling winning at life, folks. Our waiter did not realize we were familiar with Indian food; he kept warning us that things would be "spicy" and told us the right half of the menu was probably too "heavy" for us to handle (admittedly we did not order from that half. BUT I did get chicken labeled spicy and it was not anything spicy like the last spicy indian food I ordered).

After dinner we split up because everyone had a different idea for how they wanted to end their evening. I headed alone (don't tell my parents) all the way to Tower Bridge. I wanted to see it one last time all lit up against the black sky. The excursion did not disappoint in any sense. The overwhelming feeling of love and appreciation for London I experienced as I sat on a bench outside the Tower of London cannot described. Visiting the Tower of London was our first 'London Excursion' on study abroad and therefore my first real taste of the city. It felt just right for it to be my last view as well and have a sense of closure about leaving.

I took the long way home just so I could walk one last time down Oxford Street because it is pure magic at Christmas time. 

At 22:00 (10 pm for those of you who are following along at home) we all reconvened at the Centre to head to our last Snowflake Gelato run up the street. I went big this time and got TWO scoops (and then immediately realized why I normally get one... They're decent sized scoops. Oh well. YOLO). I got their signature Snowflake flavor, coconut, white chocolate, and vanilla perfection with mixed berry that was absolutely heaven. The combination of sweet with tart goodness? Killer. Ten out of ten, would recommend. We took over the whole joint and overwhelmed the poor italians one last time and it was so bittersweet to all be together one last time.

Late that night the whole Centre said goodbyes and then spent half the night packing. I was up until 3 am and then woken up at 4:30 by a girl leaving, then slept again from 5-6 am and then I could not sleep any longer and I was up until after 8 am the next day by the time I made it home!

London fam selfie 

my wonderful professors and their wives 

Packing and packing and packing all the night long + my photo wall at the foot of my bed.

It's hard to believe my adventures in London are over (for now). That city will forever hold a part of my heart, but lucky for me I took so much more away from it than I left there; it has changed me and my life for the better. London, I love you.

last view of Palace Court before jumping in our taxi..

Love Always, Aimee

goodbye for now, England :( xoxo - Aims 

Lucky for me, Hanman was on the same flight home! And how else can you leave school in England except by reading Harry Potter the whole way home? 

(This is just from the mentioned finals above.. Sometimes it hits 2 am studying and you may or may not feel like your brain is going to explode so the only solution is to take a break and give the professor's son cornrows. Nice to know if I fail out of school I can fall back on a solid hair-stylist career, right?)